13 November 2015

Let's Chat | Making assumptions about people

I like to keep these pages positive and lighthearted but sometimes you have to be a little deeper, not so much to have a rant (well...maybe sometimes) but also so I can maybe use this platform as something that you guys can maybe relate to. It's about something that I notice a lot, and probably more so since I started blogging. The basic gist of it is that people will always make assumptions about you and think they know exactly what your life is like and what you're going through, not realising the effect it can have.

I've always been the kind of person that doesn't really show when I'm feeling upset unless it's to the people closest to me, and because of that, people that are only just getting to know me get the impression that I'm always happy and that everything in my life is going perfectly. As nice as that would be, the majority of us know that's impossible, no-one can be happy all the time or have things in their life going smoothly all the time - it just doesn't happen. Yet when I've offered advice to people in the past, I've had them say things like 'it's easy for you to say because you're always happy' - and to be honest it's really patronising when you're trying to be there for them and offer advice even though you're not that close.

When it comes to me, the truth is I'm just terrible at showing it, and in situations where you're not as comfortable around certain people yet, it's easier to act fine than have to explain what's going on repeatedly. I hate being put on the spot and the thought of having to talk about things that make me feel uncomfortable in front of people only leads to the dreaded anxiety kicking in. Anyway, my point is, that's my choice and my way of dealing with things and everyone has their own way. We all lose people we love, make decisions we regret etc and end up having to deal with the repercussions. Some people choose to wear it on their sleeve, because that's their way of dealing with things, but the fact some people deal with it differently on the outside doesn't determine how they feel inside. It doesn't mean you're a cold or distant person, just sometimes it's hard to show how you're really feeling until you're completely comfortable around someone, and that's ok.

Insecurity is another issue I've noticed this cropping up in - certain people having this idea that some have a right to be insecure and others don't, based on the way they look. Just because you think someone is pretty, doesn't mean they can't have times where they feel like they're not. If you post photo's of your makeup and outfits on social media, blog etc then you must be really comfortable with the way you look 100% of the time, right?...wrong.  I've seen it endlessly on Instagram, with people making passing comments to people they don't know, insisting that they have inflated ego's and that they could never understand what feeling insecure is actually like. The truth is, as much as it sucks, we all have days where we feel like we don't look as good as we'd like, so there's literally no need to make  judgements on how someone else can and cannot feel.

The same thing happens with celebrities I guess. People seem to think that because celebrities have money and fame, that they have no reason to be unhappy, forgetting that they are people just like us. Their money and fame can't stop them from losing people they love, having troubled relationships or making mistakes like the rest of us. This is why it makes me so upset when someone in their position states to have something like depression and are met with reactions like 'what do they have to be depressed about? they have everything I could ever dream of' - but that's exactly the point, it's not about you, it's about them. They have every right to feel the way they do without others pushing assumptions onto them, which can only really make someone feel worse and under so much pressure.

If you find yourself being told that you're not allowed to feel a certain way or being patronised about whatever you're going through, then realise that it is a reflection of them and not you. I'm pretty sure some days my mood and self-confidence change about 17346 times, and I deal with it in my own way or with the people who understand me supporting me. Ignore the people who live to make judgements about others, and use it to bring you down, and do what makes you feel comfortable and allows you to live your life in a healthy way.

I hope that this post has meant something to some of you, and even if one of you has related/feel reassured by this post, then it'll make writing it more than worth it! Let me know your thoughts below and speak to you soon - 
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